I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
