i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
