its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
