Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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