I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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