There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
honey bunches of taint.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
