i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
