I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
