If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think I am morally bankrupt
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
