so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
