..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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