Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
