Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
