Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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