Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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