my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
