This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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