I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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