If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
last night I used snow as a chaser
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
