You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
