I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
