Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
