We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize