Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I want to walk on stilts...naked
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
