Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
no you cant smoke seaweed
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
