no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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