She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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