how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
