i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
This couple is walking their pig around campus
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
