I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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