you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
