Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
