We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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