At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
