you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
