Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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