Yo dont text me then not text me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
