Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
