omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
