i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
