You're my little dorito
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
