At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
