I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
