I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize