Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
