now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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