My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
