If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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