He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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