Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
no you cant smoke seaweed
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
