eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
