Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
