i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
