Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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