are you still at the devil's house?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
