I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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