i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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