my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
