So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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