I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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