He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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