You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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