Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize