So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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