I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
