So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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