cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
