I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
