The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize